


Dance Magic Dance

by GrellesTARDIS



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, I feel bad but I suck at writing them, Magic, Multi, Science Bros, Snark, brief Amora cameo, brief Betty Ross cameo, brief Sharon Carter cameo, everybody's sassy, everyone acts like horny teenagers, magical sex change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-16 09:43:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3483524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrellesTARDIS/pseuds/GrellesTARDIS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amora shows up, an explosion happens, and then we wake up without the appropriate parts. Thank God that the pansexual and lesbian are happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amora Sucks Because Reasons

The day started as normal as it could when you lived in Avengers Tower.

Everyone who was conscious was chatting over their breakfasts while Tony and I were slumped over our mugs of coffee. Bruce was in a similar state over his tea across the kitchen island. Clint and Thor were having an argument over who would win in a fight, Gandalf or Dumbledore, and it seemed to be getting pretty serious.Natasha and Tamy were seated across from their men and having a discussion of their own, occasionally throwing bits of food at them when they started getting too rambunctious. 

Steve was engrossed in the open sketchbook in front of him, only pausing to push some toast over to Tony in a vain attempt to make the billionaire eat. Loki was furiously copying passages from a fairly large spellbook into a notebook set beside his plate, muttering to himself as he did so. He always denied doing it later, but it made me smile whenever I caught his lips moving almost silently. His attention only waned slightly as he used the hand unoccupied by his project to stroke patterns along my back. Brenna and Darcy were out of town for the latter's birthday and wouldn't be home until early tomorrow afternoon.

So we just had a normal, relaxing day to look forward to. The world was our oyster, and all we had to worry about was trying to stay within the confines of the law. Coulson had to actually write that on the rule sheet currently plastered to the fridge after The Great Tequila Incident of 2014. 

In our defense, we hadn't even realized Clint was gone until we saw people running down the street and screaming about a psychotic Cupid. Barton had his bow taken away for a month barring any missions, and no amount of begging or offers of sexual favors would change Coulson's mind. I admired the man’s resolve, but if Barton had offered me a day-by-day calendar of him in any poses I wanted, I would’ve taken it and done his bidding for the rest of my life regardless of my relationship status.

Anyway, a soothing day to ourselves. Until the freaking alarm sounded throughout the tower, shattering our dreams of relaxation to bits. A collective groan rose around the table as everyone shuffled off to suit up. Not even twenty minutes had passed before the Quinjet dropped us in one of the wooded areas of Central Park, just southwest of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 

I breathed in the scent of the trees around us as everyone triple-checked that their gear was properly fitted, making our way towards the museum in the process. “Ya know, I never thought I’d say this, but I kinda miss nature now that I live in the city.” 

Tony snorted beside me. “Says the person who wants to start a permanent campaign against bugs.”

“I happen to love the smells after rain, like wet treebark, mud, petrichor-”

“Worms everywhere, seeing just how many spiderwebs are in a tree, not being able to wear your converse…..”

I rounded on him, now walking backwards to stay with the team. I distantly heard Loki sigh before I heard the creaking and groaning of branches being moved. Frankly if he hadn’t done that I would eventually fall and most likely break something.

“Listen you, it’s not my fault I can’t wear them in the rain, and I choose to make my disapproval at that choice quite vocal.” I would’ve continued making my point too, had I not run into Steve’s back. I spun back around to see why we’d stopped only to have Thor answer for me. 

“Amora.”

Thankfully it came out as half sigh, half groan. Amora tended to make elaborate plans for world domination with a side of getting Thor back. Cue Psycho theme here. She’d even tried to get rid of Tamy a few times before I almost burned the schizo to a crisp. Bitch was crazy, messing with my friends like that.

Currently she stood in all her leotard-and-cape-clad glory atop the museum, arms raised to weird purple and green clouds swirling overhead. Thankfully her back was to us so we had a few minutes to plan.

“Alright, here’s what’s going to happen.” Steve, now in full Captain America mode, muttered over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off Amora in the process. “Hawkeye, Stark, and Hulk are going to make a full-frontal attack. Widow and I will come around the back to surprise her. Thor, you distract her then switch tactics when things get dicey. Loki, you take Edana and Xaviera up to the roof so X can try to get through Amora’s defenses. You two guard her, but see if you can get in a few shots while we attack.”

“Aye aye Captain,” shot out of my and Clint’s mouths at the same time, smirking at each other as we said it. 

Tony sniggered. “You two smartasses might actually make this mission enjoyable.”

“And you being turned into a rabbit last time wasn’t enjoyable enough, Stark?” Clint smirked.

“I HAD A FLUFFY WHITE TAIL BARTON, I DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH DIGNITY TO CALL MYSELF A RABBIT. I WAS A BUNNY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!”

As soon as the words passed his lips Stark glanced towards Amora again. With sagging shoulders, he expressed the entire team’s thoughts. “Fuck.”

Not unsurprisingly, Tony’s mouth had finally brought Amora’s attention to the group. She sneered at us from the roof as she made a glowing ball of energy form in her hand. I barely heard Steve yelling for everyone to scatter before I had to jump out of the way of the orb. Everyone followed their orders to the letter. 

Hawkeye, Tony, and Banner immediately ran straight for the sorceress, the latter quickly morphing into his angry green alter-ego while Nat and Steve took off to head around the back. I saw Thor swinging Mjolnir so he could confront her on even territory when I felt Loki’s hand on my shoulder accompanied with a green glow. Thankfully adrenaline tampered the effects of teleportation so I didn’t miss a beat when we appeared on the roof.

Once I made sure none of my friends were in the way, I sent a jet of flames directly at the female Asgardian, not entirely surprised when they hit an invisible wall instead of her. After a few more shots I fell back to guard Tamy and let Loki have a go at his rival. I took a quick glance at my friend to make sure everything was okay.

Tamy was in a typical meditating position she’d learned from Bruce, and most people would say she wasn’t doing anything. Quite the opposite was actually happening. The measured breathing and closed eyes actually helped her reach out with her mind easier than normal. Which is definitely saying something considering she's Professor Xavier's granddaughter. She was good in just everyday life but this technique seemed to increase her abilities, making it ideal for getting into Amora’s head. 

Which would have been the only progress made. She managed to block every advance and somehow still tore the team to shreds. Practically everyone besides Tamy had cuts and burns everywhere except me, who was immune to fire, and Natasha, who only had a nasty gash on her cheek. And you know it had to be a serious fight if Tash so much as broke a nail.

The fight continued in much the same fashion for a while before I saw it. A glimmer in her barrier; a weak point where I could get through. So I shot more flame toward her, doing a pretty good of Tony’s repulsors in the process. If I can get through it I could weaken the integrity enough for everyone else to do the same. 

Which would have been a fine plan had she actually been where she was a second ago. Instead, she appeared directly in front of me. I took a swing at her, planning to give her a good right hook to the jaw, but her sudden appearance had thrown off my bearings. She dodged the punch easily, even managing to sweep my legs out from under me before shimmering back to where she’d been.

The fight would have continued if Clint hadn’t been smart. Just as she reformed in her bubble an arrow lodged itself in the bit of cape dragging the ground. And by the looks of the flashing red light at the end of the shaft it wasn’t a typical arrow. Loki must have noticed it too, because he launched himself to shield my body with his an instant before the explosion.


	2. In Which We're All Like Useless Teenagers

“Okay, explain to me again what happened and how Amora got away.”

Fury stood before our beaten and battered group in one of the main conference rooms at SHIELD, Coulson standing next to him with his arms crossed over his chest. Everyone from the battle this morning was seated in their usual spots around the table and neither I or Clint would meet the right-hand’s eyes. We felt somewhat responsible for what had happened as it was, and to top it off Coulson had on his I’m-buried-in-paperwork-because-of-you- shits-so-don’t-think-you’re-getting-off-easy face. A barely perceptible twitching off his left eye. Bruce cast a glance my way, raising an eyebrow at Loki’s magic curling around my neck to work out some kinks from the explosion, before answering Fury. 

“Johanna and Clint noticed a weak spot in her force field. Jo tried to blast her through it but Amora teleported in front of her and knocked her off balance. Clint took a shot just as she got back in the field and the explosion knocked us all into the ground. By the time we got our bearings again she was gone. I’m pretty sure the explosion had so much force behind it because it somehow mixed with her magic.”

Fury sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Any idea on how this could have affected any of you?”

Banner scratched the back of his neck. “Not really. I can run some tests back at the tower and see what I can find. I should still have some DNA samples to test against.” 

It took everyone a moment for everyone to process what he’d said. A tense silence grew in the room before Steve thankfully broke the tension. “Um, Bruce? Why exactly do you have our DNA in your lab?”

The shorter man shrugged as if his confession wasn’t disturbing on more than a few levels. “I’m a doctor and scientist before I’m an Avenger. I have it so I knew if anyone had allergies. This way if you guys get sick I have an idea of how to make you well again.” Tony suddenly perked up, doing his best impersonation of a meerkat before Bruce continued. “But don’t worry guys, I have it all locked up tight in a biometric containment unit so only I can get in.”

Tony slumped back in his chair with a pout. “Well there goes my plan to steal mine to clone myself for science,” he muttered.

“And by science you mean sex, Stark,” Natasha quipped without looking up from the knife cleaning under her nails.

Tony clapped a hand to his chest in mock hurt. “It pains me that you think so low of me Natasha. I would never even *think* to do that.”

“Bullshit,” Clint snorted. “Everyone’s thought about having sex with themselves at least once. Hell, Loki might have even *done* it a few times.”

Loki’s head snapped up so fast his magic disappeared, concentration broken. “What exactly are you implying, Barton?”

Tamy smirked from her spot next to Thor. “Please, everyone wants to get in your pants plus you’re a vain motherfucker, so it’s not too much to presume that you’ve gotten bored with others’ company once or twice and taken things into your own hands. Literally.”

Loki’s ears started turning pink, a clear sign he was embarrassed. Thor was struggling to hold back laughter. The raven-haired Asgardian straightened to his full height in his seat. “I haven’t done that in centuries, and I haven’t needed to since Johanna and I have been together. We are both *very* happy with the arrangement.”

“I don’t know,” I drawled, leaning my cheek against my propped up fist. Loki looked surprised as he turned around to face me. I let my gaze wander his body as I continued.

“I wouldn’t mind another one to play with.” His gaze immediately darkened as I faintly heard a mix of pained groans and wolf-whistles. Loki’s vibrant green eyes flicked down, copying my movement from a moment ago. His smile had a dangerous edge to it as he leaned toward me. “Well maybe that can be arranged, lítið flmae. I should have guessed you’d be intrigued after last week when we-” 

“Children.” 

Fury had a murderous look in his eye. “I really don’t need to know about Loki’s sex life” His gaze drifted to Tony for a second. “Scratch that. I don’t need to know about *any* of your sex lives. So if we can get back on track that would be fan-fucking-tastic.”

Clint snorted as Loki and I shrunk back into our original positions. I managed to flip the archer off when Nick turned his attention back to Bruce. 

“So what you’re saying is, Banner, you have no idea what could have happened to any of you?”

Bruce shook his head apologetically. “Not until I get everyone into the lab.”

The other’s shoulders slumped in a sigh. “That’s what I thought.” He turned to Coulson, the stoic man practically forgotten in the hormone-induced conversation from a moment ago. “Contact Doctor Richards and Professor Xavier. As of now, the Avengers are officially off field duty.”

Chaos erupted around the table. Everyone began protesting Fury’s decision loudly, colorfully, and in various languages. It was actually quite impressive. While everyone was using English to suggest some very painful things, Natasha had some pretty good insults flowing in Russian. Thor and Loki were telling him off in the language of Asgard that we all affectionately called ’Tolkien’s elvish from hell’. Tamy was on a full-tilt tirade in Spanish, and I had various words and phrases in Polish, Irish, and Welsh thrown in with my usual quips.

We were an eclectic bunch, that’s for sure.

After everyone managed to calm down, and a few of the junior agents got the chair unlodged from the ceiling, Coulson thankfully intervened.

“We have no idea how any of your powers were affected by this. The last thing we need is for civilians, or any of you, to be harmed because of it. You will all be confined to the Tower for the next forty-eight hours or until we figure out exactly what happened. All actions thereafter will be coordinated appropriately.”

He shot an unrestrained glare at Tony when the genius started to open his mouth.

“End of discussion.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edana is "fire" in Irish


End file.
